Secret agent fawkes
by WZ
Summary: The Iman takes on some old school 007 detective stuff with James Bond


Secret agent Fawkes  
  
*note this is not meant to be a crossover, it is only meant to use a little humor.  
  
(Darien and Hobbes are driving along an open mountain road)   
So Hobbes, is this "Hobbes net tip-off" going to get me sick again?  
  
(Hobbes) "No Fawkes, this is for real, from a reliable source, my man inside"  
  
(Darien) "Oh, and just what is your man inside of?"  
  
(Hobbes) "Well, ya know"  
  
(Darien) "No, I don't and I'd appreciate you telling me"  
  
(Hobbes) "He's just inside"  
  
(Darien) "So that means you don't even know"  
  
(Hobbes) "That's not the point"  
  
A red convertible Speeds up next to them, and a guy around 90 hollers over to them  
"You the agency guys? Follow me"  
  
(Darien) "That's your contact, Colonel Sanders"  
  
Darien and Hobbes pull off to the side of the road into a small hidden drive. There is a long dirt road with trees on either side, growing extremely high. Finally they pull to a stop by the convertible and see the old guy leaning up against it. They park and get out.   
  
The old guy finishes talking to his watch  
  
(Darien) "This guy has lost his mind Hobbes, don't you think we should give him a lift to the loony bin?"  
  
Just then he finishes up and walks over.  
  
"Welcome Fawkes, Hobbes, I'm 007, I've called...  
Darien interrupts  
(Darien) "007 is from a movie, you're just a crazy old guy"  
Hobbes interrupts  
(Hobbes) "No, 007 exists, the movies were just a leak it the British equivalent to the agency"  
(whispers to Darien)  
(Hobbes) "Kinda sad though, you think he might keel over at any minute"  
  
(007 Interrupts)  
"Men, I have already gotten word from your official, he wants you guys to work with me on this one, Your Arnaud deFohn, is smuggling some serious stuff from international terrorists."  
(Darien whispers to Hobbes)  
"Wow that's original"  
(007) Continues  
"I have already been informed of each of your special talents, and of each of your work reports, well I guess you can say they do run the American "agency" a little different."  
(Darien laughs, and Hobbes Elbows him)  
"Ow"  
(007 continues, unaware)  
"First, we'll need to set you up with some new gear, you'll be riding with me, that van just wont do. Next you'll need this.  
007 tosses Darien and Hobbes each a really cool looking watch.  
  
(Darien)"Whoa, what's this, like a laser, or a communicator, or a grappling hook or explosive."  
Darien starts to push buttons  
  
(007) No, it's a 3 function Quartz, and very expensive to, so don't mess with it, because they are all synchronized.  
  
"Oh, well that's no fun"  
  
  
******  
  
Darien, Hobbes, and 007 are all driving in the beefed-up 007 convertible still with the British license plates on it  
  
(Darien) "Why do I have to sit in the back?"  
  
(Hobbes) "Ya know why, because you don't know how to operate all the gizmos, this needs an experienced tech agent"  
  
(Darien) "Just try not to give that nice system your pong of death Hobbes"  
  
(007) "Pardon, fellows, but we have a slight problem, were being followed, I'll try to loose them in the turns ahead, but be on the lookout"  
  
(Darien) "Don't worry, I'll get it"  
  
(Hobbes) "This is it...he's gonna..............ya know, his thing........  
  
Darien places his hands on the back of the car as QS comes flows from his hands over the back of the car.   
  
(007) "Is he going to go invisible?"  
The Quicksilver creeps up the side of the car and gets on 007.  
  
(007)"Good god man, its on me, *gasp ahhh  
007 clutches his chest, and loses control of the wheel. Flailing his one free hand all around the car, it hits a random button, by now 90% of his body is covered in Quicksilver. The driver side door opens and the chair tilts left and throws 007 out onto the road. The van behind them hits 007's invisible body and you see a very visible splash of blood on the road.   
  
(Darien) "Holy shit, Hobbes that guy just died, we gotta go back and get him or   
Something."  
  
Darien quickly unQSes the car, by this time Hobbes had climbed into the drivers seat and tried to drive the car. His fingers grasp the wheel tightly trying to control the high performance sports vehicle. The wheel glows slightly red where Hobbes's fingers are. He pulls his hand away quickly.  
  
(Hobbes) "The wheel just burned me"  
  
(Darien) looking back, "What?"  
  
(Mechanical car voice) "Intruder alert, unidentified driver, commencing anti-theft counter measures, identify yourself, or be destroyed"  
  
(Hobbes) "Robert Hobbs, I'm a federal agent, and you are interfering with official government business."  
  
(Darien) yelling "Hobbes it's a frickin car, it has no Idea what you are talking about, do something now, because those little red numbers are scaring me."  
  
The main screen on the dashboard is displaying a countdown from 10  
  
(Hobbes) "Go go gadget car bomb defuse, uh bomb stop, we come in peace, WERE ALL GONNA DIE"  
  
The car is going 60, and the brake isn't working, even though Hobbes is repetitively slamming it down, matting down the carpet below it.  
  
(Darien) "Car, contact command for approval of Darien Fawkes, and Robert Hobbes."  
  
(Car) "Processing"............ "Darien Fawkes and Robert Hobbes approved personnel by command for all functions of car.  
  
There is a moment of silence as Hobbes gets the vehicle under control, and Darien settles down.  
  
(Hobbes) "How did you know that would work?"  
  
(Darien) "Haven't you seen any Bond Movies? It was a better try than go go gadget car bomb defuse.  
  
(Hobbes) "Well I don't know how to work this car. Hey Fawkes, what do you say, we forget about that entire freaking out part."  
  
(Darien) "What freaking out?"  
  
(Hobbes) "I don't know"  
  
(Darien) "Want me to refresh your memory?"   
  
The thingy that's where the stereo should be opens up and a video screen comes out, there is a guy on the video screen, he looks even older than 007 was.   
  
(Q) "Hello men, the data I gathered remotely from the car shows that Bond has died tragically, that is unfortunate, considering everything he has survived, the long grueling missions, and near death daily flaunts. Kinda ironic my device would be his demise. But anyways, I am Q, It is imperative you listen to what I have to say, many lives are in danger."  
  
Q, who has to be at least 95 grabs an oxygen mask and takes a few hits.  
  
(Q) "I'm sending Arnauds coordinates to the car, it should take you from there." He gasps for air, grabs his oxygen mask and signs off.  
  
(Darien) "Just one question Hobbes, have they recruited anyone new in the 70 years?"  
  
(Hobbes) "I told you, they do things just a little differently over there.  
  
******  
  
Fawkes and Hobbes arrive at a large dock in 007's car, they see men trying down a large freight ship. It is about 3 hours after sunset. They watch what's going on from behind a   
Large box.  
  
(Darien) "Want me to go... ya know"  
  
(Hobbes) "No that's just what Arnaud would expect, I got a better idea"  
  
Hobbes walks over to the car and opens the trunk revealing a large store of weapons and assorted gadgets.  
  
(Hobbes) "Hmmm... Lets see...."  
Hobbes pulls out a heavy briefcase and an umbrella.  
  
(Darien) "Hey uh Hobbes, what are you planning to do with that there?"  
  
(Hobbes) "This is 007's trunk, this stuff has to do something really cool"  
  
Hobbes grabs up the umbrella, points it at the large ship witch is now docked, and people are shuffling on and off. He pushes a red button on the umbrella and it pops open a large black umbrella.   
  
(Darien) "Nice, now we'll stay dry when we go stop Arnauds evil plan, whatever it may be."  
  
(Hobbes) "Do you know what your problem is, you never think thing out, we need a plan, were totally outnumbered."   
  
(Darien) "You seem to be forgetting our little friend the gland."  
  
(Hobbes) "Fine Fawkes, you go guerilla style, but I'm gonna see what's in the briefcase  
Hobbes opens the briefcase to reveal a really cool Swiss army style knife.  
  
(Darien) "So now your looting a dead guy, the official will love this, put it back"  
  
(Hobbes) "Show me your tattoo"  
  
(Darien) pulls up sleeve, "Better make this quick."   
  
(Hobbes) "Cutting it close there with only 3 away from madness, we should call the Keeper"  
  
Darien puts his hand on Hobbes shoulder, And QS covers Darien and Hobbes.  
  
(Hobbes) "No, we need a plan, Wait"  
Darien walks away, completely ignoring the advice from Hobbes.  
  
******  
  
Darien and Hobbes both walk up to the large freighter, and walk right onto the main deck. All around there are people moving boxes. Someone runs out of a door saying, "I'm sorry boss, it won't happen again". Then his head is promptly blown off.   
  
Darien and Hobbes follow into the hallway, down a corridor, to a large open room, the main cargo hold of the ship, there is a large open space in the middle, where Arnaud is standing, Darien unQuicksilvers, and Hobbes struggles with his, shaking a little over excessively.   
  
(Arnaud) "Welcome, welcome, I must commend you on your work with 007"  
  
Darien's eyes are slightly bloodshot, and his head twitches.  
  
(Darien) "So Arnie, what's in the boxes?"  
  
(Arnaud) "Oh Fawkes if I told you, what would the fun be in that?"  
  
  
Well, what would the fun be in not ending Part 1 in a cliffhanger?  
This is my first time writing Iman so the characters might be a little, well out of character. Part 2 coming soon  
  
*note: this fanfic took on its own format, I wasn't shooting for necessarily any definite format.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
